My fear is I won't make as beautiful as I invisioned her. When I look at her I can see her natural beauty. No chemicals or straighteners on her hair. I see a beautiful afro. One of many curls, surrounding her head as a crown. She smiles with her eyes as people look upon her. She beckons the onlooker to be aware of her presence. To identify her as royalty, The Beautiful African Queen that she is.
She is yet un-named until I can complete her. I feel she will reveal her name to me then, and only then. Until I finish her she will keep her name a secret from me. A punishment of sorts for failing to make her come alive.
Part of me believes she is complete. That is the reason why I can't finish her. But deep down I know this isn't true, because she tells me otherwise. She says I need to learn how to do African American art. Others need to see the beauty in African American art that I do. I have to share what I feel. I must complete the vision I have of her. She is my dream, and she demands I see her to completion.
Every night I sit and stare at her, I envision her complete. I speak kind words to her. I beg her to forgive me for my failure to see her come to life. I admit to her I'm scared, I'm afraid I will ruin her or not do her justice. It's one thing to see her in my dreams, and another to have her come to life. I make promises to her that I will learn all I can, And when I feel I can do her proud I will finish her.
She smiles with her eyes and I see a hint of tears in them. Or is it me, that I'm seeing her with tear-filled eyes?