Tuesday, March 23, 2010

~It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn~

~It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn~
Just a short update on what I'm going through.
1st~ Mr. He's due to have another surgery on Thursday the 25th. He came home yesterday and today complaining of more pain. NOT a good sign so I'm worried, trying not to be. Hopefully this surgery could be his last and he'll be healed. I'm tired of seeing him in pain.
2nd~ My Mother (birth) isn't doing very well. My sis said the doctor talked with them about what heroic measures should be taken for her. They said her brain has shrunk because of the Alzheimers. I can't go into detail of what all she's doing it's hard for me right now. I know my Da signed papers for them to not give her feeding tubes & such. He knows he's losing her after 52 years of marriage. He doesn't want to see her suffer any longer. According to my sis and the doctor it could be any day.
A part of me wants to see her. But a part of me doesn't want to remember her, without her remembering me. Sick huh? I want to keep the memory I have of our last time together. Where she was laughing at me for a dare my sis gave me. Will enlighten ya later on that.
I'm trying to keep my face in the sun, trying desperately to keep from finding the darkness in all of what I'm going through. I know it's always darkest before the dawn. I try to keep reminding myself that.

1 comment:

Jude said...

Hang in there, be strong for U not anyone else BUT U. U know what U have to dral with know one can decide or take that away from you, you have to go through this stage on it's own merits, to fully understand the outcommings. I feel for you, and yet I enjoy it for you, because in a way it's like a cleansing, a cleansing of the old, past hurts, regardless off who's at fault it was, BUT a cleansing for U, let go, u are strong and hardships of what ever kind they are, and you and I have had our fair share of it, but I still say let it go, find that peace and forgiveness, cleanse youreslf, then maybe somewhere inside of her, she will feel it, if you should ever go see her. I hope you do for both of your sakes, its an inner feeling you will both get. I never got that chance.
Im with you in thought and spirit.